Today, for the second time since I started working, I really didn't want to be doing my job.
I had been laughing hysterically during dinner. I found everything funny and just couldn't stop laughing. My housemates were baffled. One of them said: " Look e*... don't tell me you're going to suddenly start crying yeah. Cos if you do, I'm really just going to walk upstairs and pretend I didn't see it happen." You see, I have this habit of bursting into tears in the middle of hysterical laughter. I generally cope through laughter. Whenever I get really stressed, the panic and desperation comes out as laughter. I suddenly keep laughing and laughing uncontrollably. The slightest thing sets me off into this spasm of apparent hilarity. Then at some point, the last frayed strand that has been keeping everything together breaks.
All of today, I Knew that my boss was going to call me back to work on something that wasn't big, but that everyone thinks Needs to be done Today. The voice of Heaven itself. And I knew she wasn't going to look at it immediately. Oh noooo. She was going to tell me what she expects much later on. So I had been waiting all day like a sheep for slaughter.
2037 hours. One phone call. I pulled on my jeans, threw on a coat, and was out the door.
As I walked out to the bus stop at 9pm on a Sunday night, without enough sleep, knowing that I had to be in the next day before 8, I lost it. I scrunched up my face and squeezed out the few hot tears that I knew was bubbling beneath the surface. The first time I've shed tears on this job. And no, I am Not PMS-ing.
I had been laughing hysterically during dinner. I found everything funny and just couldn't stop laughing. My housemates were baffled. One of them said: " Look e*... don't tell me you're going to suddenly start crying yeah. Cos if you do, I'm really just going to walk upstairs and pretend I didn't see it happen." You see, I have this habit of bursting into tears in the middle of hysterical laughter. I generally cope through laughter. Whenever I get really stressed, the panic and desperation comes out as laughter. I suddenly keep laughing and laughing uncontrollably. The slightest thing sets me off into this spasm of apparent hilarity. Then at some point, the last frayed strand that has been keeping everything together breaks.
All of today, I Knew that my boss was going to call me back to work on something that wasn't big, but that everyone thinks Needs to be done Today. The voice of Heaven itself. And I knew she wasn't going to look at it immediately. Oh noooo. She was going to tell me what she expects much later on. So I had been waiting all day like a sheep for slaughter.
2037 hours. One phone call. I pulled on my jeans, threw on a coat, and was out the door.
As I walked out to the bus stop at 9pm on a Sunday night, without enough sleep, knowing that I had to be in the next day before 8, I lost it. I scrunched up my face and squeezed out the few hot tears that I knew was bubbling beneath the surface. The first time I've shed tears on this job. And no, I am Not PMS-ing.
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